


Falling Apart

by miso_grace



Series: Jaydick Week 2016 [5]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, first heart to heart, insecure jason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 16:33:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7230160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miso_grace/pseuds/miso_grace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick had known that Jason had self-esteem issues, however he hadn't realised just how deep they ran.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Apart

**Author's Note:**

> My entry for the fifth Jaydick Week prompt 'First heart-to-heart'  
> We already saw some of Jason's self-esteem issues in the third entry, 'You Turned My World Upside Down' but I'll explore them a little further here.  
> Not beta-read and I don't anything, it's all property of DC

“Why are you even still putting up with me.” Jason asked one evening, completely out of the blue.

“What?! Jay, is everything alright? Why would you even ask that?”

“C’mon Dick, look at me, I’m damaged goods. Besides, Bruce probably disapproves as well. His Golden Boy dating the failure, the mistake.”

Dick stared at his boyfriend incredulously. “A) Bruce doesn’t think that. Not about our relationship and not about you. And b) even if he did disapprove, it’s none of his business. We’re two adult men who can make their own decisions and if he doesn’t like them he’ll just have to deal with it!” he said, hoping it would be enough to reassure Jason.

It didn’t.

“I’m no good for you.” Jason continued, curling in on himself on the couch.

“Hey, Jason, don’t shut me out, please!” Dick pleaded. He sat down next to Jason, careful to give the other man space. This had been a recurring issue, but Jason never really talked about why he felt that way. They had grazed the topic when they and first gotten together, but even then they hadn’t discussed it in depth.

“Is it ok if I touch you?” he asked. When Jason nodded in response he gently placed his hand on Jason’s back, rubbing in slow circles. “Talk to me. I want to help you, but I can’t if you won’t tell me what exactly is bothering you.”

“I just don’t get what you see in me. Why you’re putting up with me and my crap. I come with a whole entourage of issues.” Jason mumbled. “I’m the violent though that can’t control his anger; I always try to better my ways and yet I always and up breaking my promises. I have nightmares basically every night and always lash out if people get too close to me and push them away. I have problems dealing anything involving feelings or -god forbid- communicating them.” he was crying at that point. “I’m not worth all the work you have to put into getting even remotely close to me! And…and you, you are just so positive and bright. You strive with others and no matter what shit life throws at you, you seem to get bak up again, as optimistic as ever.”

“That’s not true though, and you know that. I have my own issues, like everybody else.”, Dick tried to calm Jason down.

“Yeah well, your dealing with them marginally better than me.” Jason snorted. “I don’t see why you tick around. All I do is disappoint you and break promise after promise. Wether it’s about getting along with Bruce or stopping to use my guns. You put in so much work and all you get out of it are my continuos failures!”

Dick sighed. Jason’s self-esteem issues seemed to go much deeper than he originally thought. He pulled the other into a hug. “That is not true. Sure, you’re damaged, but you died. That’s bound to fuck you up. But you are not damaged beyond repair. I know I said this already, but I see so much good in you. Just because the execution might not be perfect, doesn’t mean that your intentions are bad. You are trying to help, I can see that. And I know you are entirely disillusioned with B’s approach and yet you try to follow his code. I know it’s you who made sure nobody’s dealing to kids anymore and that is such a great achievement. I know you care, you care so, so much. Sometimes I’m afraid you care too much and will end up hurting yourself. And I know that you’re helping Damian cope with dying and being resurrected, because you know how he feels. I’m proud of you, proud that despite everything and despite the bad seeming to overshadow the positive you’er till trying to help. And I will continue to tell you this until you believe it too. I’ll tell you this forever if I have to. I love you and we’re in this together. You can always come to me if your nightmares and insecurities and memories get too much to deal with on your own.” 

Jason lifted his head from where he had soaked Dick’s shirt with tears and shakily smiled at him. “Thank you Dick. I needed to hear this.”

“It’s no big deal, it’s what I’m here for.”, he responded and squeezed Jason lightly.

“You do know that this is most probably going to happen again, right?”

“Of course I do, Jay. It’s normal. And I will be here for you again, telling you how much I love you and all the great things I see in you. I always will. Now, how do you feel about hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows for comfort?” Dick asked and got up to go to the kitchen without even waiting for an answer.

“Oh no, no, no, no, you are not going to do anything involving the stove! You’ll just burn the house down” Jason protested.

“Would you look at that, you’re smiling again!” the older man teased and let his boyfriend push him back on the sofa. Jason went to the kitchen, finding his way around easily. 

When he reemerged, he was carrying to mugs. “Here you go,” he pushed one of the mugs to Dick, “a sugar high just waiting to happen.”

He said down as well snuggling up to the acrobat. “I’m sorry for being so insecure!”

“Don’t you dare apologise!” Dick admonished. “You never have to apologise to me for being who you are. I love you, all of you and that includes your flaws. And it’s not like I never put you through hell either. I do talk to Roy, you know, and he is the biggest gossip I know.”

“Besides yourself, you mean.”

Dick laughed. “Touchè! You want to watch a movie?”

“No, this is nice, just sitting with you, talking. I feel we don’t get to do that enough, what with our lifestyle and aversion to acknowledge we are normal human beings with feelings.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on tumblr @ misograce


End file.
